Singer Chimanyi's recent tweets have kindled a discussion once again on child sexual abuse and the need for a law that allows adult survivors to report offenders.
On Monday, Chinmayi posted a series of tweets, which were triggered after she was groped at an event last week.
She said that she had first shared the story on Instagram and was shocked to learn about the sheer number of men and women who had been molested as children, even though the experience she had written about was not a case of CSA.
"After almost aeons I got groped at an event yesterday. I happened to share this story on Instagram and what shocked me is how many men and women have been molested as children (teachers, brothers, co passengers, uncles, grandparents and even women)," she wrote.
In most cases, the abusers were known to the victims - a fact corroborated by official data - and the common places where abuse took place were homes, public transport and even educational institutions, she stated.
However, not many victims are able to share their experiences with their family or friends, fearing no one would believe them. With the stigma around sexual abuse and violence so strong, it becomes very difficult for children, specially boys, to talk about the abuse they may have faced.
"Men are shamed if they share an account of sexual assault/molestation during childhood. Women who gathered the courage to share have been blamed 'she enjoyed it'. Imagine grown adults accusing a child of enjoying sexual assault. And other seemingly sane adults believing it," one of the tweets read.
Chinmayi goes on to talk about victim shaming, the trauma that such abuse leaves behind and the need for support for victims.
After almost aeons I got groped at an event yesterday. I happened to share this story on Instagram and what shocked me is how many men and women have been molested as children (teachers, brothers, co passengers, uncles, grandparents and even women)
— Chinmayi Sripaada (@Chinmayi) March 12, 2018
Most common places - Their own home, public transport, places of worship, educational institutions.
— Chinmayi Sripaada (@Chinmayi) March 12, 2018
Most girls and boys haven’t mustered the strength to share it with their family and friends coz no one would believe it.
Even if girls have a chance of being heard, men have NONE
Men are shamed if they share an account of sexual assault/molestation during childhood. Women who gathered the courage to share have been blamed “she enjoyed it”. Imagine grown adults accusing a child of enjoying sexual assault. And other seemingly sane adults believing it.
— Chinmayi Sripaada (@Chinmayi) March 12, 2018
Not to mention - women shaming other women who have been molested/harassed. And commenting on ‘you dress/look like that you are asking for it’
— Chinmayi Sripaada (@Chinmayi) March 12, 2018
I think women need to be trained first on victim blaming and shaming.
Girls are afraid of telling their parents that they ll made to stay at home and would be stopped from going to work/study.
— Chinmayi Sripaada (@Chinmayi) March 12, 2018
I believed things changed based on my own circle of fantastic men and women.
Not so, clearly.
Please - stop shaming the victims, their lipstick, hair, skin colour, clothes, attitude, talent, intelligence, whatever.
— Chinmayi Sripaada (@Chinmayi) March 12, 2018
Boys are at an equal risk of sexual abuse. Many are traumatised for life.
Please understand they need the support as well.
Dont shame. Thank you.
As for victims - speak up, yell, slap those who touch you without your consent.
— Chinmayi Sripaada (@Chinmayi) March 12, 2018
When groped we are temporarily stunned into silence - including me. This is usually the window the assaulter uses to his advantage.
Finally, it is NOT your fault. Be kind on yourself. Love yourself.
Soon after, several publications put out stories based on her tweets, some with insensitive headlines.
The singer not only called them out, but also appreciated a publication that chose a sensible headline.
"All of yesterday I mostly saw vernacular and English language handles writing totally insensitive headlines (not that it affected me) but that is *exactly* what prevents others to speak of their story. The lack of sensitivity and kindness," she tweeted.
Stating that a law for survivors to report child sexual abuse as adults must come through, Chinmayi urged people to expose abusers and keep the conversation around the issue going.
Thank you Mr Manoj for this headline.
— Chinmayi Sripaada (@Chinmayi) March 13, 2018
All of yesterday I mostly saw vernacular and English language handles writing totally insensitive headlines (not that it affected me) but that is *exactly* what prevents others to speak of their story.
The lack of sensitivity and kindness. https://t.co/cq3vNSjwyy
The law for adults to report Child Sexual Abuse must come through. Children dont know what happens to them.
— Chinmayi Sripaada (@Chinmayi) March 13, 2018
When they are old enough - there is no system to report these offenders moving around with ‘respectable’ tags.
So many men have found the strength to share how they were molested as children by older relatives or neighbors.
— Chinmayi Sripaada (@Chinmayi) March 13, 2018
Organisations like Tulir have been doing fantastic work in this field. I spoke about this as an RJ years ago.
If there is one thing I request - please find the courage to expose these people who molest children. You’ll perhaps save other children the trauma you went through.
— Chinmayi Sripaada (@Chinmayi) March 13, 2018
If the molester has kids/wife, please dont worry for him. He didnt think of them when he was molesting you.
At the very least keep the conversation going. Almost every girl & a lot of boys have been felt up as kids by adult caregivers.
— Chinmayi Sripaada (@Chinmayi) March 13, 2018
Speak about it at school/college/office.
Let the stigma go.
Remember- Stigma should be on the abuser *not the victim*.
We can change things around
A few months ago, Poornima Govindarajulu, a child sexual abuse survivor, started a petition urging "the Government of India to allow adult survivors to file complaints about childhood abuse."
In her petition, she wrote that even if children understand that they have been abused, "It's unrealistic to expect young children to walk to a police station and file a complaint about abuse."
Speaking to TNM, she had said, "But today, as an adult, the power is balanced. I am financially independent, and have people who support me, and resources to go after him legally. I had none of that as a child. I should have support and legal means to stop my molester from potentially continuing his offences on other children."
Along with DMK’s Rajya Sabha MP Kanimozhi, Purnima also met Women and Child Development Minister Maneka Gandhi and discussed the issue.
Days later, the minister said that she would help take forward the petition that aims to bring offenders to book.