29 year old Archana* recalls having to fight with her in-laws when she wanted to start a new job in Thiruvananthapuram, far from her home in central Kerala. “My in-laws wanted me to stay at their place since my husband works abroad. But I moved to Thiruvananthapuram for my job after which I was dismissed by his family. I had a baby in 2018 and planned to take a break until my daughter turned two, so I could send her to daycare and go back to work,” she said.
But when the pandemic struck, her plans came to a standstill. Pre-schools, daycare providers and other childcare options remained closed for most of the year, forcing women like Archana to put their work on hold for their children. Coupled with a lack of support from husbands and families, many women saw their career goals and financial independence slipping away, while coping with struggles around mental health.
"I was very career oriented. I felt so depressed when the regulations were announced. My husband also cannot come home. If he takes leave, he may lose job as there are layoffs at his company,” she said.
Archana said that she is also unable to hire a nanny due to the risk of spread of COVID-19 as well as hurtful gossip from neighbours and relatives. The period took a toll on her mental health, leading to depression and suicidal thoughts for which she sought medical help.
"I have to prepare myself to be a housewife for another year or two. But I am not able to," she said.
Devika R, a psychologist based in Ernakulam, noted that depression, anxiety disorders and thoughts of suicide were triggered in some women who gave up dreams of successful professional lives to be homemakers. "She will have the feeling that her career may end, that all her education has gone in vain. Financial independence is a source of confidence for women," she explains.
Additionally, women over 30 typically expressed greater concerns over the future of their careers as they fear their ages will prove to be an obstacle while re-entering the workforce. While some suggest the one way forward right now could be to look for alternate careers online or working from home, it still comes with a heavy toll of giving up careers women have worked hard for.
Priya* 30-year-old mother who lives in Thrissur, has always maintained that she would give equal importance to her family and her career. Because of that, she decided to stay at home for three years to take care of her child.
"I was an HR manager in Bengaluru. I left my job a month before my delivery. I thought about spending two to three years with my child and sending her to a play school then restarting my career. But then everything turned upside down," she said.
Priya asked her husband if he would take a one-year break to care for the child while preschools were unavailable. “He was not ready. He was scared that he would not get another opportunity after a year. He was also worried about what others would say. But I really wanted a change. I kept calling on psychologists for solace,” she said.
Like Priya, Jiya*, a 27-year-old MTech graduate from Kannur, faced resistance from her husband as she tried to navigate a path that would take her back to work. She had just started teaching at an engineering college as a contract staffer in 2018 when she got pregnant.
"Since I was a contract staff, I had no maternity leave. I had to quit my job. In September 2019, a year after I delivered, I contacted them and they asked me to join in January 2020 as there would be a vacancy then. I regularly took my baby to a daycare-cum-play school near the college for an hour or two so that she would get used to it. But all went in vain," she said.
"My husband, who is a government employee, asks why I can't wait a few more years. He says after all it was not a permanent job. But I feel so useless," she said.
“I am not sure when I can build the career I dreamed of. I am not blaming anyone, maybe my choices were the reason," she continued.
*Names changed