Voices Thursday, July 10, 2014 - 05:30
The News Minute| July 10, 2014| 9.10 pm IST We welcome and applaud with both hands the Finance Minister’s decision to set up a sports university. It is neither too early nor too soon. We at The News Minute (TNM) are delighted that this university is in the INR 100 crore-league – anything else would have been paltry.  We think it should be called the Indian Institute of Table (Tennis) – IITT. It should be a three-year degree course with on semester of practical experience in the final year. The course is structured hence. First Year: Origins of Racketeering The study will include an enquiry into where and how racketeering started and where it is headed. Work will include an analysis of why Greece, where the Olympics started, has now fallen back on racketeering, defeated by countries such as India who have no team, for example, in the FIFA World Cup. All other qualifications being equal, students who have experience in racketeering will be given additional weightage. Age no bar.  Second Year: Weight Lifting In the course of an athlete’s career, weight lifting has been identified as an important aspect of training. So many files, in so many ministries, so many ministers, so many papers – all of this calls for some very heavy-lifting and sometimes disappearing with the weights. The speed with which an athlete disappears with such weights is directly linked to medals and success, glory and national awards.  All other qualifications being equal, students who have a penchant for discuss-throw are encouraged to apply. Sex no bar.  Third Year: Marxist Critique of Sports The reason why India is not a world class sporting nation is because of a grand conspiracy. In the first two semesters of the third and final year, students will be required to submit an independent analysis of the Marxist-Leninist approach to swimming in sludge, track and field events, especially tracking and lemon and spoon race. It has been noticed that capitalism, especially crony capitalism, has destroyed all sporting activities in the world and contributed to the increase of Type 2 diabetes in India.  All other qualifications being equal, students who have a pony tail, long beard Trotsky glasses are encouraged to apply. Marx no bar.  In the final days of the last semester of the last year, students will be sent out to gain practical experience in opening vaults in all pole positions. Seriously!
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