Why singer Chinmayi’s stand on wrestler Sakshi Malik’s wedding photo is relevant

The common factor between Chinmayi and Sakshi’s experiences is that they have both called out alleged sexual harassers who are extremely powerful and politically cushioned.
Chinmayi Sripada and Sakshi Malik
Chinmayi Sripada and Sakshi Malik
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India’s champion wrestlers have been putting up a spirited fight for over a month at New Delhi’s Jantar Mantar demanding the arrest of Wrestling Federation of India chief and BJP MP Brij Bhushan Singh for alleged sexual harassment. As they continue to be ignored by the government, their humiliation culminating in physical detention by the police on the inaugural day of the new Parliament building, a photograph from Olympian Sakshi Malik’s wedding in 2017 has been doing the rounds on social media. In the photo, Sakshi, an Olympic bronze medalist and one of the wrestlers leading the Jantar Mantar protests, is seen dressed in wedding attire greeting Brij Bhushan. “Why invite your harasser to your wedding?” – asked many on social media, demanding a justification from Sakshi.

Meanwhile, singer Chinmayi Sripada, who called out Tamil lyricist and poet Vairamuthu for sexual harassment a few years ago, tweeted that a woman has no choice but to mingle with her molester if he is in a position of power. Sakshi re-shared this tweet, making it clear that it resonated with her. Chinmayi was put through the same cycle of cyber-shaming after a picture from her wedding surfaced, in which she was seen greeting Vairamuthu.

Chinmayi also put up the results of a Twitter poll she had posted earlier this month asking people to vote if their molester is someone from their family or someone they are forced to interact with at close family gatherings. 64.7% of the voters said that their molesters were close family whom they could not avoid, or were too scared to tell their parents about. Pinning the tweet to her Twitter wall, Chinmayi wrote: “Let’s take a head count of how many offenders should have been in jail but aren’t because of The Great Indian Family Honour.”

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Chinmayi’s tweet is a powerful reply to those who ask women like Sakshi how they could invite their harasser to their wedding or interact with them in social or work settings. We must note here that as far as we know, Sakshi Malik is not a complainant in the allegations against Brij Bhushan. She is amplifying the complaints of her colleagues and leading the protest in solidarity with them.

The reality is that for most women who are sexually abused or harassed, their perpetrators are often those who are very closely known to them, giving them an institutional and emotional upper hand to twist the narrative in their favour. Additionally, if like Brij Bhushan the person holds considerable power at the survivor’s workplace, it becomes almost impossible for the survivor to battle such clout without endangering herself and her opportunities. Not all women can afford to lose daily sustenance and come out publicly with a #metoo account against a powerful predator. The situation in New Delhi is a testimony to the kind of pushback such women – albeit being international champions in their fields – have to face.

Sexual harassment is not something that happens in isolation of a person’s social location, identity, social capital, clout, and other intersectional factors. Women often have no option but to be pally with their harassers in social circles to ensure that they are not further targeted. This does not take away the triggering anxiety of gulping their pride and struggling through the ordeal just so that they can survive.

Many on social media mocked Sakshi and the other protesters, asking them to return their national accolades if they were so disappointed with the government. Their medals are no favour, as they have earned them by fighting against all odds in a society that only expects women to fall in line. Besides, winning an award for professional excellence does not include an agreement to keep quiet about institutional abuse.

One should be really naive to believe that we live in a world where women can easily distance themselves from their harassers, start afresh, and still thrive. Being cordial with a harasser and calling them out are not contradictory, and do not take away from the gravity of the harassment. If there is anything contradictory here, it is the existence of a system that  favours harassers and forces women to explain themselves on social media, in courts, before family, and everywhere else, while being dragged humiliatingly into detention vans.

Chinmayi also recounted the ordeal of complaining against her harasser. Vairamuthu, who was named by Chinmayi and many other women, continues to be feted by politicians and political parties in Tamil Nadu, including the ruling DMK and Chief Minister MK Stalin.

Tagging Stalin who had expressed his solidarity with the protesting wrestlers, Chinmayi reminded him that his party continues to give Vairamuthu a platform. “17+ women have named your friend / supporter Mr Vairamuthu who continues to enjoy your proximity which he uses to silence women who speak up even more. Your party continues to platform him, as have other politicians in Tamil Nadu. With almost 5 years of facing a work ban in the Tamil Film Industry and fighting a case with Hon’ble City Civil Court there seems to be no end in sight…I have filed a complaint with the NCW way back in 2018-2019 because that was the only route available for many of us, and handed a handwritten complaint to police officers that came home to investigate…The rules cannot be different for Vairamuthu and Brij Bhushan…” she wrote.

The common factor between Chinmayi and Sakshi’s experiences is that they have both called out alleged sexual harassers who are extremely powerful and politically cushioned.

The larger pattern seen here is how women who call out sexual harassment are ignored to the point of humiliation and subdued through all means possible, physical detention included. To belittle the complaints of as many as seven women players, including a minor, against the first in command of India’s Wrestling Federation with victim-blaming is unbecoming of anyone who believes in justice.

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