The Government of India and Government of Tamil Nadu have been given a strange new homework exercise by the Madras High Court. They each have to answer 20 questions on extramarital affairs by the third week of June, including whether mega TV serials are influencing people in extramarital relationships to commit murder, and whether women ‘mingling with third parties’ in their offices is leading to affairs.
The reason? The Madras High Court bench of Justices N Kirubakaran and Abdul Quddhose have a hunch that extramarital affairs are leading to lots of murders. The bench was hearing a writ petition for the release of a man who is accused in a murder case involving an extra marital affair, and said, “Extra-marital relationship has become a dangerous social evil nowadays. Many heinous crimes including ghastly murders, assaults, kidnappings, etc., are committed because of clandestine relationships and they are alarmingly increasing day-by-day.”
“Marriage in India is based on love, faith, trust and legitimate expectation. The marital relationship is considered to be sacred. However, what is to be sacred is dangerously fast becoming scary shattering families due to outside conjugal relationship,” it observed.
So the court believes that several murders are being committed by people on many sides of extramarital relationships. Well if data supports that hypothesis, fair enough, let’s get the data and figure out what to do from there on. However, the manner in which the court has framed its 20 questions for the governments makes it appear like the court is less worried about the murders and more worried about the morality of these relationships. This despite the court claiming, “the queries are neither opinion nor finding or conclusions of this Court.”
50 shades of extramarital affairs
Perhaps the judges, like writers and editors, hate redundancy. We get that – it’s not pretty to use the same words again and again. However, does that mean synonyms.com has all the answers? Well, perhaps in order to avoid saying ‘extramarital relationship’ repeatedly in the 20 questions and the rest of the judgment, the bench decided to use the following, colourful terms – each, very obviously, filled with moral judgment:
Additionally, the court is of the view that extramarital relationships are social evils and a ‘social menace’.
Here’s the thing, sirs. You may hold whatever moral values you please – indeed, my personal ‘moral value’ is to wonder how people have the time and energy for multiple relationships – however, as High Court Justices, what you say holds a lot of weight. And the manner in which you have described these relationships and framed these questions seem to suggest that extramarital affairs somehow justify murder.
Focus on the violence, please
Sirs, in case you forgot, the Supreme Court recently decriminalised adultery. But your 20 questions seem to be geared towards re-criminalising it.
The thing is let’s say the numbers find a correlation between extramarital relationships and murders. Even then, the real problem is the murder – the violence – and not whether people are in affairs or not.
Saying murders are committed by people in extramarital relationships, therefore let’s all focus on stopping ‘illicit’ ‘scandalous’ extramarital relationships, is akin to saying most rapes are committed by men who are known to women, and therefore let’s focus on stopping men and women coming to know each other.
It’s like looking to Mars for solutions to sociological problems.
If people in extramarital relationships are killing their partners and children or vice versa, we must ask the question – why is violence even considered a response to hurt feelings and rejection? And if we – the society, governments, courts, sociologists, psychiatrists, psychologists, whoever – can answer that question, and address that issue, it will be much more useful to a lot more people.
Like women who are killed and maimed and thrown acid at by men who cannot stomach rejection.
Like inter-caste couples who are chased and abducted and killed by parents who cannot digest any challenge to their caste hegemony.
Stop making life difficult for women
In addition, society has already placed enough barriers for working women to grow within their companies and as professionals. Right from having to take on a lion’s share of housework to dealing with sexual harassment at the workplace, the patriarchy continues to stifle women.
So, to insinuate that 'women mingling with their colleagues' is leading to extramarital relationships, will only further weaken the cause of the working woman.
Somehow, these questions seem to look over the fact that having an affair is a choice, whether it is a man or a woman. A workplace setting or economic freedom of women cannot be shown in a bad light for the same.
Oh, and in case you were wondering what the 20 questions are, here's the list:
With inputs from Sanyukta Dharmadhikari and Priyanka Thirumurthy.
Ragamalika Karthikeyan is a journalist who writes about gender, sexuality and the law. Views expressed are the author's own.