Flix Tuesday, April 28, 2015 - 05:30
  Inspired by Anurag Thakur, Honorary Secretary of the Board of Cricket Control of India’s (BCCI) open letter, we have decided to pour out our heart. Here’s our missive to the one and only King Kong of Indian cricket. Diyar Shri N Srinivasanji, Worry not, we bring you good news and we are on your side. No matter if you win or lose the toss, we will bat and bowl in such a manner that no one will understand. We have scrounged around our offices, emptied our pockets and bank balance, sold all the jewelry (fake and real) in our possession and we are pleased to inform you that we can buy your Chennai Super Kings (CSK) for Rs.6.5 lakhs. In other words, you will make a neat profit of Rs. 1.5 lakhs which will allow you to park your yacht in Cannes in the French Riviera for a few hours. We know the F1 season and red-carpet season is starting there soon. While you are least interested in eating salted olives and even more salted fish, we think you should go there underground till the nastiness against you passes. We suggest that you also take your son –in-law Panneer with you.  The other Panneer in Chennai may soon have his hands full, if you know what we mean. Now, we turn to matters more significant. We agree that Rs. 5 lakhs can buy the entire country of 1.3 billion people called India. So budge not and stick to your evaluation and do not allow lesser chartered accountants to chart your revival.  We cannot imagine how an American consultancy firm says the brand value of CSK is $72 million or some Rs. 455 crore, but what can one expect from Americans whose only contribution to Indian cricket is, is oh how can we say this…cheer leaders. According to gossip mongers, the brand value of a property like yours is only 40 percent of its market value. CSK would then be valued at a whopping Rs. 1000 crore, like a big burger, with extra French fries and onions. With that, you can feed an army. As for the first-day, first seat, first show types who set aside their hard earned money to watch a Dhoni, McCullum and Raina as if they were gods, you simply must ignore the peasants who think your extravagant matches are “gully kirket.” You can feed them to those sections of the BCCI who seem a tad upset with your evaluation of CSK. What they do not realize is your generosity and sublime sense of nation-building through cricket. Little do they realize the importance of cementing a nation with cement. Speaking of stones and mortar, we are shifting offices shortly and we need seven gunny bags of cement. Can we get them for free? Also, where can we send you our CVs? We hope you will receive our views as a sincere contribution to a cause. We look forward to receiving the gunny bags. Thank and best regards The News Minute
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