OMG, you're straight? Here's what we've always wanted to ask

We’re not being intrusive, ladies and gentlemen. We’re only trying to understand ya!
OMG, you're straight? Here's what we've always wanted to ask
OMG, you're straight? Here's what we've always wanted to ask

Hey! If you don’t mind us asking, can you tell us exactly when and how you found out you were straight? How does it work, exactly? And are you sure? How can you know if you’ve never had sex with someone of your own gender before?

Really, how does it work?

Also – we’ve always wanted to know – how does it feel when your parents find you someone to have sex with for the rest of your life!? Is it weird? Do you tell your parents about your preferences? Have you talked to them about what you like in bed? Has your partner?

And are your parents ok with your sexual orientation? Did they ask you questions about it? Do they still speak to you?

Do your parents really know what you’re up to?

And – don’t mind us asking ya, we’re just trying to understand – is it fun? Especially you women – does hetero-sex do anything for you? And are your clitorises as hard to find as the hetero-males make it out to be? Or are they simply inexperienced and selfish?

Really, how does it work?

The men… We have SO MANY QUESTIONS! Does the pressure get to you? Can you actually perform after all the myths around hetero-male sexuality have built you up into some kind of selfish robots who can go on for hours? Can you ever, truly feel vulnerable with a woman in bed?

Is it possible for you to think of someone other than yourself?

Really, how does it work?

Also, when you guys do it – aren’t you always worried that you’re going to get pregnant? Is that normal while you’re only trying to experience pleasure?

Don’t you think it’s unnatural that every bit of pleasure comes with the possibility of 3+ years of poop-cleaning, several more of feeding, late nights, school admissions, and 18 years of hard labour with no time off? Is that any way to live? We’re just trying to understand here… Don’t mind us asking!

And if you’re straight as well as cis – really, how does it work?!!!

When did you know you were a woman? Did someone tell you? Did you find it on the internet? Did you study a course about it? Was it because your parents are also cis?

Was it difficult, coming out as a cis-straight person? Was your family ok with the fact that you never questioned your gender? Did they not try to get you treated?

How does it feel to simply believe what a doctor told your parents the second you were born? Do you ever feel like you have moved through life without asking any questions?

Really, HOW DOES IT WORK?

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