Imagine a hostel full of 16 year old girls with hormonal outbursts running amok on campus and it's worse than the zombie apocalypse.

Listen to Maneka ji beta - its not discrimination were just controlling hormonal outbursts
Blog Satire Tuesday, March 07, 2017 - 14:06

With Women's Day just around the corner, Women and Child Development Minister, Maneka Gandhi, put to rest once and for all the silly quibbles that female students make about unfair hostel rules.

When a young woman brought up the subject, mentioning the discriminatory rules that are in place in women's hostels, like non veg food not being served, the Minister said that she was very happy to hear this because she promotes vegetarianism.

To put it in academic terms:

Promoting Vegetarianism > Acknowledging Sexism

After all, how can sexism ingested with spinach make you sick, beta? Why do you want to compete with the boys in doing sinful things like eating chicken?

You may think Maneka Gandhi was sidestepping the debate but that's your tamasic mind making up things. Go and eat some plants already.

The young woman (hormonally challenged, no doubt) persisted with her question, adding that the hostel girls were not even allowed to go to the library after 6pm.

It was then that Maneka Gandhi made an important observation: this rule exists because of "hormonal outbursts" which are common in 16-year-olds.

Now as everyone knows, a hormonal outburst is an extremely dangerous and life threatening condition which has catastrophic effects on the planet.

Imagine a hostel full of 16-year-old girls with hormonal outbursts running amok on campus and it's worse than the zombie apocalypse.

A person with hormonal outburst is a Cultural Threat and should be quarantined and treated with utmost caution.

Unfortunately, unlike swine flu outbreak which can be contained with vaccination, there is no preventive measure for hormonal outburst.

However, the resourceful Minister added that though there is no prevention, certain precautions can be taken.

As always in India, when there is a problem, we turn to our ancestors who knew everything before the Muslims and Christians came to Bharat and destroyed all sacred knowledge.

Maneka Gandhi said that the solution to hormonal outburst was drawing Lakshman rekhas to protect the girls from "themselves" (a 16-year-old girl and The Hulk = same person).

A Lakshman rekha, for the ignorant, exists around all women. Don't look around, it's invisible like the equator. But it exists and it has been drawn around women from time immemorial to keep them safe.

Crossing the Lakshman rekha means you're signing up for danger and you've got only yourself to blame, baby. A Lakshman rekha is sometimes a piece of clothing, sometimes a profession, sometimes a lifestyle choice, and sometimes - like in this case - a matter of timing.

Often, you can't tell what the hell the Lakshman rekha was till you've already crossed it but that's what makes the game so interesting for a victim. The goalposts keep shifting.

Maneka Gandhi wisely refused to listen to the hormonally challenged young lady who said increasing security on campus was the answer to preventing crimes against women and not drawing lakshman rekhas.

As if.

"Two Bihari gentlemen with sticks" will not change anything, Maneka Gandhi noted. We don't know yet why Bihari and why not some other state but we're sure the Minister had her reasons that are beyond the realm of hormones.

To be fair, Maneka Gandhi is really not sexist. Towards the end, she said that she believes in the equal distribution of regressive rules, by agreeing that boys too should be jailed within the hostel after 6pm so their hormonal outbursts can also be contained.

The solution, she said, would be to let the girls out to visit the library two days a week and the boys out on another two days. That way, we would have proper sex segregation and ensure that our children continue to grow into a beautifully confused and messed up adulthood.

Who cares as long as you get that engineering degree without any arrears, hai na?

The question of what to do about gay people holed up together in same sex hostels after 6pm did not arise because everyone on the show was Indian and there are no gay people in India. We do yoga, y'all.

Watch and be enlightened:

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