Dear ladies who are not 36-24-36 (that would be most of you),
I write this letter because I've come upon this great truth revealed to me by the Internet, the new millennium's equivalent of the Bodhi tree.
Get that measuring tape out, suck in your breath and find out if you are the best shape of female there is. I know you are feeling abusive right now but that's probably because all the extra flesh on your waist is blocking your brain from working properly.
Physical Education Book, 12th standard. pic.twitter.com/wpruZPBuXCâ€” Anuj Khurana (@HaddHaiYaar) April 10, 2017
This terrific book on Physical Education written by Sharmaji titled Health and Physical Education Textbook reveals that women who participate in Miss Universe or Miss World competitions have the best bodies and that this is why we must exercise. "The 36-24-36 figure does not come up by chance," he admonishes us ever so lovingly.
The book, published by New Saraswati House, is taught to CBSE students of Class 12 though it hasn't been brought out by the NCERT.
After I read Sharmaji's enlightening writing, I did ask him if he'd heard about anorexia and bulimia that are often associated with beauty contests. He asked me eagerly if these were the Russian contestants (36-24-36 strictly) who were participating in this year's event.
Also, do not dismiss Sharmaji so easily, ladies, by saying you are exercising because you want to be an athlete or some such ridiculous thing. Here's Sharmaji putting an end to that dream:
"The vertebrae in females is usually long but in it comparison upper and lower limbs (hands and legs) are smaller, whereas, the vertebra, hands and legs of males are longer in comparison to females. The bones of hips of females are wider. Knees are slightly apart. Due to this shape females are not able to run properly."
Take a moment to digest that. Go on now, words don't have any calories and I'm sure Sharmaji won't object.
All this while, you were worrying about your bra showing when you must have focused on your vertebra.
If you find Sharmaji to be too regressive, shame on you, you feminist-type. He's a modern man who has pointed out that despite the inconveniences of a menstrual cycle or pregnancy (not to mention weird vertebrae), women have been successful at sporting events.
I asked Sharmaji if he'd heard of Serena Williams who is most certainly not 36-24-36 and Sharmaji said, "Is she married?" When I said no, Sharmaji got a smug expression on his face. I told him that she was engaged but Sharmaji said, "Child, that's like a 36-24-36 woman saying she's the same as a 36-30-36 woman. Figuratively speaking..har har."
Go on and get your own copy of Physical Education, ladies. Sharmaji doesn't have any female organs but he knows more about us all than we ever would. Because he's a man and he has better shoulders, lungs, and blood circulation than you.