"I wanted to shake the world with my stories and my pen. I wanted to shake the people who can't see, despite having eyes. I wanted to show them the world...I wanted to enlighten them...I wanted to shed pearls from my pen....as I could not be absorbed into this society, I am just going to bury myself."
These were the words posted on Facebook by Vijay, a young man from Telangana, barely a few weeks before he killed himself. It was just a few days ago that Vijay, who was working as a cab driver from Hyderabad, was being called a hero on social media.
Vijay was praised on Sunday when he donated Rs 6,000 out of his meagre earnings to a non-profit specifically for performing the last rites of an orphan. In a cruel twist, the same non-profit performed the last rites of Vijay, an orphan himself, two days later.
In a video posted on Facebook at the time, Goutham Kumar from the NGO 'Serve Needy' is seen saying that Vijay's action was commendable and hoped that his act would inspire others. In the video, Vijay was seen smiling as he handed over the money to Goutham and thanked him.
Speaking to TNM, Goutham said, "I personally spoke to the police when they filed an FIR and performed Vijay's last rites after this death. It was very distressing and I was shocked. He seemed happy even when he met us. He had even said that he wanted to volunteer for us. No one should take such an extreme step."
A note left behind by Vijay said that no one was responsible for his death and said that he decided to take his own life as he suffered from depression.
According to those that knew him, Vijay was found as an orphan and raised by a Lambada (categorized as ST) family, before he was spotted by officials of the then Andhra Pradesh government.
The state government under its District Primary Education Project (DPEP) under Community Mobilisation officer, Sudhakar Rao, had rehabilitated Vijay and ensured that he was admitted in a government school, and got an education.
A look at Vijay's posts on Facebook suggests that the young man may have been depressed for many days, and seemingly even planned the death.
"When hopes have evaporated and dreams became unrealistic; when one is exhausted with hurdles, when there is no tears in the eyes, when there is no answer for any question that I'm searching for....everything is dark, surrounding me, going into eternal sleep is the only answer," he had written in one of his last posts.
After his death, many of Vijay's friends have been writing condolence messages and lamenting that he could have just called them if he needed to, and did not have to resort to that extreme step.
Experts say that many times, those with mental health issues often show clear signs before they decide to act.
Speaking to TNM, Indla Ramasubba Reddy, a psychiatrist based in Vijayawada says, "Often, what we observe, is that they get dull a few days before the incident. They are withdrawn and their social interactions and productivity decreases. The mental agony can be seen on their face. Family members can easily identify this, but in such cases, it becomes more difficult, as friends should have noticed it."
"They spend more time alone and often write about their thoughts as well either in a diary, or as we could observe, on his Facebook wall. Older people draft a will or make generous donations. In his case, we saw that he donated money to the non-profit," he adds.
But what can friends and family do about it? Ramasubba Reddy says the main step when someone exhibits suicidal tendencies is 'emotional first-aid'.
"We need to talk to the person with empathy. We need to create a safe space for the person, and make them feel like there is someone to listen and ease their burden and misery. If they are able to share, the emotional pain decreases. We must be able to assure them that there is a solution to whatever their problem is, depending on the context," Ramasubba Reddy says.
Ramasubba also suggests that after the 'emotional first-aid', professional help must be sought, either in the form of a counselor or a psychiatrist.
"No one wants to die. There is always a will to live. It is only when the stress exceeds a person's coping ability, that such incidents occur. Mental health professionals have studied this in detail and we are able to help. Seeking help is important," he adds.
If you are aware of anyone facing mental health issues or feeling suicidal, please provide help.
Tamil Nadu:
State health department suicide helpline number - 104
Sneha Suicide Prevention Centre - 044-24640050 (listed as the sole suicide prevention helpline in TN)
Telangana:
Telangana government suicide prevention toll free no - 104
Roshni- 040-66202000, 66202001
Karnataka:
Sahai : 24-hour helpline numbers: 080- 65000111, 080-65000222
Kerala:
Maithri helpline - 0484-2540530
Chaithram helpline: 0484-2361161
Both are 24-hour helpline numbers.
Andhra Pradesh:
Roshni - 040 66202000 and 040 66202001