In the recent past, three cases have shocked the conscience.
The Gisele Pelicot case, which unfolded in the small, picturesque French village of Mazan, shook people because it challenged the revered notions of security within a family. A husband, married for nearly 40 years, embarked on a scheme to drug his wife and have her unconscious body raped repeatedly over a period of 10 years, by at least 50 other men whom he invited into their bedroom, following a planned method with detailed instructions to ensure she did not wake up during the crime. The crime came to light when a security guard in a supermarket caught the husband, Dominique Pelicot, filming up women’s skirts and convinced one of the victims to press charges. The charge of voyeurism quickly changed to a charge of rape of his own wife when investigators discovered his laptop, which contained videos of his unconscious wife being sexually assaulted under his orchestration.
It was appalling how more than 50 men from a seemingly calm and peaceful neighbourhood—fathers and husbands, an IT expert, a journalist, a prison guard, a nurse, a DJ, a fireman, an ex-soldier, a carpenter, a plumber, and others, ranging in age from 27 to 74—found it perfectly normal to rape an unconscious elderly woman, in her own bedroom. This shocking diversity in the men’s profiles challenges a general perception that such acts of depravity are committed only rarely, and only by ‘monsters’. It raises troubling questions about how seemingly ordinary men in society perceive a woman’s body.
The rape and murder of the young doctor in her hospital workplace in Kolkata shocked people with the brutality inflicted on the victim. Even when the infamous Delhi gang rape and murder happened in 2012, it was the barbarity of the assault that shook the nation’s conscience.
In recent news reports about the rape of a first-year engineering student on a university campus in Chennai, we learnt how the rapist took a video of her consensual interaction with a boy, used it to blackmail and assault her, and, reportedly, told her that she would have to make herself available whenever he called her. He was dehumanising the woman by making her feel that she had no right to interact with a boy or exercise her free will, and that she should fear exposure for something she did of her own choice. What emboldened this morally reprehensible man to draw a circle of morality around the victim, and confidently use it as a justification to commit crimes on her body?
Women are facing a serious crisis. Society is producing too many men with a disgusting attitude towards women’s bodies and their freedom. But as a society, are we doing enough to bring about a change in this attitude?
No doubt, a robust prosecution of crimes and higher conviction rates could serve as a deterrent, sending a strong message that perpetrators of violence against women will be held accountable by the state. However, it is clear that improving policing, prosecution infrastructure, and speeding up legal systems will take time. We can’t afford to wait that long.
More importantly, change must come from a more fundamental shift in how society views women. Boys need positive role models who demonstrate respect for women’s bodies, accept that women have choice and free will, and recognise that women are not inferior entities. It is evident that many of our boys are not finding these role models in their families, neighbourhoods, or the media. In fact, boys need to unlearn much of the attitudinal supremacy and casual mental and physical violence they see displayed in their immediate environments, which often gets normalised through long-term observation.
There is also little value in lamenting the upbringing of a child. Parents cannot teach what they themselves do not understand. An environment saturated with debasing jokes, discriminatory language, movies glorifying chauvinism, domestic violence, and obvious power structures that depict women as servient and of lesser in value, makes it incredibly difficult for families to effectively identify and fix these deep-seated issues. Expecting meaningful change to come from within families alone is therefore unrealistic.
It is similarly futile to look towards religion as well. There are too many contradictory lessons — yes, in every religion. Characters that should not be seen as exemplars of how to treat women often get deified under religious aura. Religion, therefore, is not a reliable tool to teach respect towards women.
Children come to school with biases and harmful notions inherited from home and society. Schools are a good safe setting where we can encourage children to challenge what they observe around them, and instruct them towards the value of ‘Respect for all’. Such Respect education should include discussions on positive consent, challenging stereotypes, gender and sex, friendships and communication between genders, the value of diversity, and recognising various forms of violence and undesirable conduct, such as stalking, voyeurism, and more. These conversations are essential for nurturing kinder, more respectful individuals.
This Respect education must be made universal, compulsory, and formalised in our school syllabi. It is insufficient to leave this critical responsibility to ad-hoc attempts by some school managements to voluntarily do whatever they think appropriate, or to rely on NGOs and activists to do what little they can. An age-appropriate syllabus must be curated by educationists and the right experts at the educational boards. This curriculum must be made mandatory for all schools, across all ages, ensuring that the education is persistent enough to make a lasting impact on changing deeply embedded attitudes.
Teachers must be trained — firstly, to unlearn much, and secondly, to learn methods for delivering this valuable social engineering project. We must ensure that this education is founded on the principles of equality, liberty, and the rule of law; and must not fall into the trap of seeking basis in grandiose notions of culture or tradition. Scholars who study women’s oppression will tell you that these grand constructs have often failed women.
This exercise needs to be followed up with workshops at colleges and workplaces. For example, I know of at least one top-ranked university in the world that has curated a consent workshop and directs every incoming student to complete the course online even before they arrive on campus. In India, employers are now legally obligated to conduct training sessions aimed at fostering a culture that prevents sexual harassment in the workplace. These sessions can be adapted to address these larger issues of respect, so that change comes not just from the fear of legal consequences, but because respect becomes an ingrained value.
Our governments also need to spend our public funds on reformist public messaging, creating videos and memes that shame the mindset of the ‘macho’ or toxic male, and encourage respect.
The lady in France insisted that her name, as a survivor, should not be concealed, for “it’s not for us to have shame; the shame is theirs.” The brave Gisele Pelicot insisted that the trial of her husband and the other accused men should not be conducted behind closed doors. After listening to partners and mothers defend the accused men claiming they were not capable of rape, the trial revealed that the profile of a rapist is not just of someone shady, lurking in a car park late at night. Depressingly, he could be anyone among us.
After the court ruling on December 19, 2024, which convicted Gisele’s husband and about 50 other men, handing down sentences ranging from three to 20 years in prison, Gisele said she thought of her daughter, her daughters-in-law, and her grandchildren when she asked for an open trial. “It’s also for them that I led this fight. I wanted all of society to be a witness to the debates that took place here... I have trust in our capacity to collectively project ourselves toward a future where all, women and men, can live in harmony, with respect and mutual understanding.”
The International Women’s Day Theme for 2025 is ‘Accelerate Action’. We must. It’s time to teach respect through a formalised curriculum.
Elizabeth Seshadri is an Advocate practicing law in Chennai.
Views expressed are the author's own.