Unhappy with censor board over James Bond? Learn from this Brit how you should respond

In the one hour it took to file this article, 13 people backed the intiative
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James Bond can’t kiss on Indian screens for too long according to our censor board, which has proceeded to shorten two lip-locking scenes from the latest bond film Spectre, citing them as ‘unnecessarily long’. It’s a good thing the board doesn’t act the same way for Indian films, some of which are ‘unnecessarily long’ as a whole or just plain ‘unnecessary’.

Social media has riled up in furor by unleashing the sardonic #SanskariJamesBond, who has not only married the first girl he kissed, but also touches M’s feet before going on a mission to instill sanskars into his enemy’s head.

But this is a problem world over, and here is what a young chap in UK decided to do, frustrated with the country’s censorship.

Meet Charlie Lynn. The young British freelance journalist and filmmaker has had it tough with the British film censor board. He’s not okay with the fact that each film costs about a thousand pounds just to be approved (£101.50 submission fee plus £7.09 for each minute of screen-time). That’s almost laughable since some independent films would cost just a few thousand pounds to make. So, many can’t afford to shell that extra grand just hoping a bunch of ‘culture cops’ sitting on lazy-boy chairs will approve their work of art, and allow it to be commercially screened.

So, Lynn had an ingenious idea. The 24 year old headed to Kickstarter, an online crowd funding service, on Monday and started a campaign: to submit to the board for approval a film containing hours and hours of footage of a freshly painted wall drying.

Yes, you heard it right. A single 4k shot of a mundane redbrick wall being layered with white paint and then letting nature take its course. Now, imagine the same bunch of double-breasted suit wearing, greying, fat-bellied, and tea-sipping censor board uncles staring at a wall…quite literally and for hours on end. And they have to do it, because once the phenomenal fee is paid, the board is compelled to watch a film. There’s no choice, just like the director has no choice but to forget about their work of art if the approval authority wishes to ban it.

Lynn has already received an overwhelming response for this endeavour (which is being dubbed as the ‘biggest middle finger being projected to the British censor board') with over 2000 pounds pledged by backers in less than 72 hours. The filmmaker has about 14 hours of film recorded, which will require about £6000 to be submitted. Judging by the response, this figure will certainly be eclipsed and in that case, Lynn will record more footage. The censor board may have to spend days staring at the wall in this manner.

Perhaps, someone can come up with a desi version of this to torture members of our on censor board?

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