Who will win and which idli will the people love best?

In TN politics the lines are drawn for the First Battle of Idli and Apollo is the battlefield
Voices Satire Wednesday, September 27, 2017 - 15:59

The war bugle has been sounded outside Fort St George in Chennai. And in Tamil Nadu’s political circles, it is being called ‘The First Battle of Idli’.

It has been provoked by a divide in the ruling AIADMK kingdom, with Sellur Raju pointing his guns at Dindigul Sreenivasan. Both are ironically chieftains with their roots in Madurai region and have decided to convert Apollo Hospitals on Greams Road into their battlefield.

But it is not as if Sreenivasan wanted to go to war. He, in fact, laid down his arms pleading before his people that he never saw an idli on the Apollo battlefield. “Yes, in order to impress everyone, I did claim I saw an idli as clear as the eye of the fish. But it was a lie. I swear on Amma I neither saw the idli, nor the chutney nor sambar,'' Sreenivasan said, breaking down. 

But Sellur Raju challenged Sreenivasan's idli tales. “You just watch, I will have you for breakfast, thambi,” said Raju.  

Unable to control the angst in his heart, Sreenivasan appealed to Lord Palaniswami from Edappadi that he cannot fight against his own brethren. The Swami of Palani calmed him down and read out to him the chapter on the idli from the AIADMK Gita. 

``You should not bother about the idli or its softness or taste, Sreenivasan my child. You should only focus on the quality of the batter,'' the Lord told him. 

At the other end, Sellur Raju was very confident. “I will win the First Battle of Idli. I have covered every flank,'' he declared. His strategy was to use thermocol sheets to bounce the light off the sun and reflect them on Sreenivasan so that his sight gets blinded on the battlefield. 

“East or West, Thermocol is the best,'' declared Raju. “I used the thermocol sheets to cover the Vaigai dam waters in Madurai. Do you know why? Because those waters are, in fact, the tears that I shed after Amma passed away. I did not want them to evaporate.''

The DMK has announced it has no faith in the idli kingdom. “The people of state have rejected the Poes Garden idli. The Gopalapuram idli is the only credible option now. Along with Gunpowder, our alliance partner, our idli will satisfy everyone,'' said MK Stalin, the Leader of the Opposition. 

When mediapersons sought to know from Rajinikanth his reaction to The First Battle of Idli, the Superstar replied, “Yes, Yes, Yes, Idli is very healthy. Good for health. I love idlis. I wish all idlis in Tamil Nadu all the best.”

“What do you think is a better combination Sir? Idli with chutney or idli with sambar? Stalin says the Gopalapuram idli is better than the Poes Garden idli,” asked a journalist.

But Rajini was unwilling to be drawn into a controversy. “No comment, no comment please,” he said.

Television journalists were unwilling to let Rajini go without a comment pleading, “But Sir, you have eaten idlis for so long, please say something.”

“When I will say, where I will say, no one knows. But I will speak at the appropriate time. Now only Kaala, no idli. Till then all of you do your work. When the time for our battle comes, you must all come with your idlis,” Rajini signed off.

In a separate address to his fans, Rajini warned them against corruption saying all those looking to eat dosa along with idli, will find no space with him, if he enters politics. 

Kamal Haasan, who has already announced his political plunge, was more forthright. In a series of tweets, he criticised the First Battle of Idli, claiming the war scenes have been stolen from the script of his Marudhanayagam, a historical drama that he never completed. 

“I think it is vulgar to compare one idli with another idli. Also my objection is to Sellur Raju. Does he think putting thermocol sheets over water will prevent breeding of mosquitoes? This is why it is leading to dengue, causing death. This government must move aside for the Mudhalvar,” he tweeted. 

Meanwhile, with both Sreenivasan and Raju readying for war, O Panneerselvam has taken objection to the face off being billed as the first battle. “I will file a petition in Delhi. My dharma yuddham, which I won last month, was the first battle,” he said.

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