We put a price tag to BJP MLA’s sin factsheet on JNU

Sex sutta aur azaadi How JNU fuels the economy with orgies of meat and boozeFile photo: PTI
Flix Satire Tuesday, February 23, 2016 - 20:01

So you’ve been reading the papers or watching the news and fuming over the enormous subsidy going to support “anti-national” students at Jawaharlal Nehru University. What are they doing for the country that is spending so much money on educating them, you ask.

Well, here’s good news from an unlikely source. BJP MLA from Ramgarh in Rajasthan’s Alwar district, Gyandev Ahuja, provided a “fact sheet” of the daily consumption expenditure of JNU students - apparently based on an analysis of the waste generated by the campus.

To quote Ahuja, "2,000 Indian and foreign liquor bottles are found daily in JNU. More than 10,000 butts of cigarettes and 4,000 pieces of beedis are found. 50,000 big and small pieces of bones are found. 2,000 wrappers of chips and namkeen are found, and so are 3,000 used condoms — the misdeeds they commit with our sisters and daughters there. And 500 used abortion injections are also found."

While Ahuja understandably focused on the morality of the issue, we followed these facts down the economic road instead. After all, many of us are seemingly obsessed about the subsidy to JNU, thanks to the likes of Mohandas Pai and Chandan Mitra.

Accordingly, we decided to estimate just how much students on the JNU campus spend on a daily and yearly basis on these daily “necessities” of theirs. Our price list is conservative, based on popular beer brands like Kingfisher and Carlsberg, Gold Flake cigarettes, Durex condoms, Haldiram namkeens, and chicken and mutton ordered from Big Basket. 

While we haven’t been able to decipher which over-the-counter "abortion injections" the honourable MLA was referring to, we substituted that item on the list for the popular morning-after pill - iPill. 

With this in mind, we sat down to crunch the numbers. So here is how much JNU’s sinful, anti-national students pump back into the economy everyday.

Item Cost
AlcoholRs 2,10,000
CondomsRs 33,000
Cigarettes and bidisRs 82,000
Namkeens and chipsRs 20,000
ChickenRs 4,12,500
MuttonRs 5,62,500
IpillRs 37,500

In total, if the honourable MLA is to be believed, JNU students have a daily consumption expenditure of Rs. 13,57,500. In other words, every year, these students spent an approximate total of Rs. 49,54,87,500. That’s a neat, thriving 50 crore rupee vice economy right inside JNU.

We complain that those anti-nationals at the JNU campus are working to destroy the nation.

Instead, they are eating, drinking and giving back economically to the nation, sacrificing their own proletarian ideologies to do their small part for the national economy - and you thought them enemies of the nation!

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