news Wednesday, April 29, 2015 - 05:30
Parliament is serious business, but that doesn't mean we can't see the humour in it! If Parliament was high school, the Speaker would be the Headmaster/Headmistress, Parliamentary Affairs Minister the Class Teacher, the PM would be the surprise inspector, opposition members the troublemakers, MPs of the ruling party the cheerleaders, the young, the hip and the Cabinet-hopefuls the popular kids and poor first time MPs would make up the class nerds.  And Parliament Junkie is the mean kid who blows the whistle on what every other kid does. In this series, our Parliament Insider, who follows the working of the Sabhas closely, often from within, will give you the inside dope on the happenings of the Parliament. Baith Jayiye! Parliament| April 29, 2015| 15:30 Hours| South Delhi Mean Time Clearly -- CLEARLY -- there's something happening with the Congress. Some plotting and planning to project RaGa as The Leader or something like that. I mean, the man has spoken THRICE in Parliament already, since Part 2 of Budget Session started. Forget the quality and content of the speeches, the very fact that he's stood up and been there means there's some sort of PLAN!   Right???   Except, if you want to top the Class 12 Board Exams when you haven't attended school properly for the 11 years before that, you need a crash course on...   How to Write Class Tests in This High School   a.k.a   Lok Sabha Rules of Procedure   Fear not RaGa, Junkie will help you out. Why, you ask? What does Junkie get out of it? The thing is, Junkie took a 'How OCD are you' test recently, and apparently, junkie is quite obsessive-compulsive when it comes to the projected-new-underdog-supreme-leader-of-the-new-world not knowing what an adjournment motion is. So here goes nothing.   1. What is Lok Sabha? This is your classroom. This is also your exam hall. The Lok Sabha is where all your homework is submitted and all your preparation is assessed. This is why you gave the entrance exam, also known as The General Election. This is where you will be marked for your performance by the Junta and the Junkie.   2. Why should I attend it? Think of it this way: why should a surgeon be in an operation theater? Or to put it more simply, why should a farmer be in a field? The Lok Sabha is your workplace when the Parliament is in session, and the Junta of Amethi has appointed you to sit here on behalf of them to look at what laws the Sarkaar wants to bring in, understand how it affects them, attempt to make changes to legislations where necessary, and also make some use of their tax money that's spent on electrifying and maintaining that MASSIVE building. You owe it to them, you know?   3. How is a typical day in Lok Sabha divided?  A typical day is divided into 4 parts:   a. Question Hour: 11am to Noon. This is where questions are asked to the Govt and Ministers are expected to reply to these questions. Before you ask, NO, you can't just get up and ask whatever you want on a given day. You have to submit your questions for a certain day at least 15 working days prior to that day. And you have to make sure that the Minister you ask the question to is supposed to be sitting in Parliament on that day. Got it?   b. Zero Hour: Noon to 1pm. This is the time for Members to raise issues that affects their constituents, or the nation at large. This is the time for you to make your presence felt. This is freewheeling hour, so long as you get one of your minions to go submit a form before 9am. All your farmer concerns? This is where it's supposed to fit in. Also refer to Q.4.   c. Lunch: Typically, 1pm to 2pm. Also known as the Hour-That-Vekaiah-And-Sumitra-Own. Used for other purposes as the Chair sees fit. When it isn't, it's supposed to be when you hop back home for some lunch.   d. Post Lunch Hours: 2pm to 5pm or When-Venkaiah-is-tired, whichever is later. This is where Legislative Business gets discussed, debated, amended, passed, rejected etc. Land Bill? Budgetary Provisions? All that jazz? Right here.    4. What is an adjournment motion? This is important, so pay attention RaGa. This is when you demand that the Speaker adjourn all other business and take up the matter that you believe is most important. Can you adjourn Question Hour? Yes. Can you adjourn Legislative Business? Yes. Can you adjourn Zero Hour? DUDE! Didn't you read what Zero Hour is up above? IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE WHEN YOU RAISE THESE MATTERS ANYWAY.    5. Can I take a nap in Lok Sabha? Short answer: No.  Long answer: Ever heard of cameras? Other political parties? Arnab Goswami? Parliament Junkie? Twitter? Huh? Huh?????   6. Can someone else give my speech by proxy? Good question. Some psephologists believe that a mask-wearing-Scindia by any other name will still not be a Gandhi. Geddit?   7. Pee break? Khana? Sutta? As long as the doors are not shut for voting on any matter, you are free to move around. Not kidding. It's THAT simple to maintain a healthy attendance percentage.   8. Lastly, can I crack the same joke (?) repeatedly? This is up to your discretion. But remember, Junkie knows what you did last Summer Monsoon Winter Budget session!   Liked the junkie? Read more- Parliament Junkie: A quirky dose on what's happening inside the house.