Monday, June 30, 2014 - 18:54

The News Minute | June 30, 2014 | 02:49 pm IST 

We tried. First we dressed up as tourists complete with drain-pipe pants, sunglasses and sun cream. We were shooed off by the Italian Carabinieri. Then we dressed up as garbage collectors and drain inspectors, complete with brooms in hand and bruise on our knees. This time we were chased down the road by some Italian mamma cursing in mafia language. 

Just as we were planning to lead a protest march to the Mayor’s office and submit a memorandum marked to him and copied to human rights associations, has come the terrible, terrible news that George Clooney has charmed the Mayor of Laglio, the picturesque town in Italy’s Lombardy region to cordon off access by road and lake to his mansion where he will marry in September. 

Clooney – frankly, we prefer Rajni Sir - is preparing to marry the stunningly beautiful and very accomplished Alam Alamuddin in September. Clooney and Alamuddin who is British Lebanese were engaged last April much to the chagrin of women around the world who had their eyes set on the Ocean’s Eleven and Nespresso man – he has shown us his mean side and we are not impressed. 

Now, roads have been blocked and posters stuck in the village warning all from approaching the Clooney House. “This is important to bring about a change in people’s behavior and create a more peaceful environment,” the Mayor told a British newspaper. People coming within 100 metres of the villa’s lake-front will also be fined heavily, the Mayor has announced. When we, from The News Minute (TNM), this time properly attired as journalists, asked the Mayor if there were any plans to divert fish and frogs from the lake to swim in another direction till September 30 (duration of the ban) he threw us out of the press conference. He called us paparazzi and thought a news aggregator was a news alligator. 

We are writing to the would-be-bride. She is a human rights lawyer who has defended big fish like Julian Assange. We think she will allow us to getting in to the Clooney Villa through the trap door so we can watch the ceremony. We hear Brad Pitt is best man. Damn!!!

As for Clooney, we hope it rains on the wedding day, only on his head and that of the Mayor who, last heard, was angling for an invitation.

Show us some love! Support our journalism by becoming a TNM Member - Click here.