Satire
It's unfair that only the best works get recognised, the worst deserve awards too!

2017 is nearing its end and the award season will kick in shortly.

In a recently conducted meeting of the Malayalam movie artists organisation, it was brought up by several members that only the best works are getting recognised by various award ceremonies every year and that the practice should change.

Most were of the strong opinion that no one should feel left out. A huge number of artists who are behind "disappointing works" also have stories of pains to narrate (though mostly, this is the pain they inflict on viewers) .

In light of this, a new jury was formed to give away "special" awards in additional categories this year. Here is the full list of the awards and winners which this jury announced.

Best movie title – Ayal Jeevichirippundu / Goodalochana

This category was said to be a cakewalk for the jury. Ayaal Jeevichiripundu rightly depicted the condition of a viewer who had completed watching the movie.

Goodalochana, on the other hand, was by all means a “conspiracy” against the audience.

Most awaited movie – Poomaram

Director Abrid Shine expressed his gratitude to the jury and viewers for winning the award for the second year in a row.

He added that he is looking forward to win the award for the next 3 years too and even make an attempt to enter the Guinness Book of Records.

Most Original Script - Sathyan Anthikad / Iqbal Kuttippuram (Jomonte Suvisheshangal)

The award jury admitted that it was a technical error and that such errors are bound to happen when winners are at times chosen through “pick a chit” game.

Meanwhile Sathyan Anthikad has requested the jury to not consider him or his script writers for this category from next year. He has confessed that almost every scene of Jomonte Suvisheshangal is inspired from several other Malayalam movies.

The director added – “The scene where Jomon(Dulquer) talks about his dad with his sister and brother is taken from Rasathanthram. The scene where Jomon interacts with Vaidehi (Aishwarya Rajesh) in her office is from Nadodikkattu. The one where Jomon overcomes all hurdles and makes up for the losses made by his father is from Jacobinte Swargarajyam”.

The conversation with the director had to be even cut short when the list went on and on.

Best ‘Amal Neerad’ Award – Jinu Abraham (for slow motion in Adam Joan)

Director Amal Neerad was unhappy that he did not win the award despite making a movie (Comrade in America) this year.

But the jury was unanimous in that the award should go to the director of Adam Joan. The jury cited the movie to be first of its kind experience, where from the motion of cars and bikes to stunts to even the death of characters, everything was slow.

There was also a “special mention” for the plight of Adam Joan’s editor, who is reported to have slept thrice through the movie, thereby forcing the makers to release the unedited version of 2 hour 48 minutes itself.

Best re-use of resources – Jayaram for his looks in Sathya and Achayans

After winning the award for using the same look and makeup in Sathya and Achayans, Jayaram spoke to the media – “I have realised that people don’t really care about my movies anymore. So much that they didn’t even pay attention to the fact that I had the same look in these both movies. I thank the jury for at least taking notice of it. This was done in purpose so that the producers could save money out of it “.

It seemed that was the only money the producers saved at the end.

Most colourful costumes, best movie character name, most well written character – All for Rajakumaran (Pullikkaran Staraa)

Even when asked the reason for this choice, most jury members had the same thing to say - "Pullikkaran Staraa" (He is a Star! ).

Asianet MD K Madhavan has meanwhile mocked at this practice of giving the awards, looking at someone's star stature.

Most selective actor – Jayasurya (Fukri)

Initially Jayasurya mistook the award to be one for doing the least number of movies in 2017.

But it was later communicated to him that it was for the actor’s knack of selectively landing himself in the worst movies of popular directors – Priyadarshan’s Aamayum Muyalum, Rajasenan’s Immini Nalloraal, Balachandra Menon’s De Ingottu Nokkiye and this year, Siddique’s Fukri.

Best movie “without a script” - Ranjith (Puthan Panam)

The jury was in awe of Ranjith’s ability in recent years to make his movies without any script. There were talks that the director usually writes scripts on sets after starting the shooting. But the jury squashed all such rumours stating that he was just jotting down the character names and mapping them against dialects from each district in Kerala - a skill that the filmmaker has developed to confuse the viewers and let them forget all about the need of a story.

Award for bravery and perseverance – 1971: Beyond Borders

The movie’s director Major Ravi was first ecstatic believing the award was a tribute for the soldiers in his movie. He tried reaching out to Mohanlal to share the news and talk about the next script he has written for the actor. It is when Mohanlal didn’t return his calls that Major Ravi realised that the award was, in fact, dedicated to all the viewers who spent on the tickets, went inside theaters and suffered through 2+ hours of this movie.

Best Friend in the industry - Lal Jose

This was given for the valiant efforts of the director to support his friend Dileep during the release of Ramaleela. The jury was especially appreciable of the fact that Lal Jose didn't even care to make his own Velipadinte Pusthakam a decent product. Instead he was more energetic while posting 'Avanodoppam’ , ‘Dileepinu Janakeeya Kodathiyil Vijayam’ etc on Facebook.

Most realistic dialogues – Murali Gopi (Tiyaan)

The movie's dialogues were as realistic as how Aslan Mohammed (Prithivraj) spent his days lighting fire and walking in slow motion on the top of a hill.

In one scene, Aslan says –“Do you know why the warriors of God begin with a defeat – to quell arrogance?" Pattabhiraman’s (Indrajith) reaction to it was an expression that said – “Enthu thengayaanu nee parayunne” (What coconut are you saying)?

“I announced the biggest project” award – Shared by Mammootty and Mohanlal

It is believed that the jury had the toughest time to find the winner in this category.

When Mohanlal announced Odiyan, Randamoozham and Kunjali Marakkar, Mammootty was right behind with big projects like Mamankam, Karnan and “another” Kunjali Marakkar.

Though the jury wanted to take the budget of the projects as the criteria, they noticed that the actors, directors, producers and crew members were all quoting different amounts. It was finally decided to share the award between both the stars.

Special Message - Omar Lulu (Chunkzz)

This was not an award but rather a message from the jury to the filmmaker- “Try and spare us from such movies in future".

Best Technology – Villain, for filming completely in 8K resolution.

A jury member mentioned that it’s a proud moment for Malayalam cinema and more such advanced technologies should be used in our movies. When asked what difference 8K brought to Villain, he said he had to hurry for another meeting and cannot speak further.