Feminists, or any women who raise questions about gender stereotypes, are usually attacked for being anti-men, for not letting men and women be men and women. But it’s not just women who feel the burden of rigid gender boundaries, it’s just as hard for many men to live up these enforced expectations. You don’t have to take our word for it, there’s a Twitter thread that shows just how it works.
Saheli, a journalist with IDG media, tweeted on Thursday asking men about “that one thing YOU do, which is not considered manly by our social standards.”
She was inspired by a similar thread on Reddit, and received a number of responses. The resulting thread gives a glimpse of how restrictive and arbitrary gender roles can be. From the way they looked to things they liked, to activities they preferred doing – a number of men revealed the wide range of choices and actions that automatically got dubbed as “unmanly”.
Good men of Twitter, what is that one thing YOU do, which is not considered manly by our social standards? RT for karma, and more happiness.
— Saheli (@wistyloony) March 20, 2017
Grooming
One immediately visible trend was the number of men who liked beauty treatments like pedicures, manicures, and using moistures, conditioners and make up. And just how many of them were made fun of by their male friends or family for it.
@wistyloony I love getting pedicures. Just a great stress buster and maintains hygiene. Plus I've got some weird reactions to moisturizers.
— Bradley D'souza (@BradleyDsouza) March 20, 2017
@wistyloony exactly.
— Ankur Singh (@TheSinghAnkur) March 20, 2017
I forgot to add lip balm to the list. I was applying some in the washroom & 50% of my colleagues thought I was a girl
@wistyloony that stuff that makes the hair smell so good all the time. Like rain and flowers.
— RI (@Kahaanify) March 20, 2017
There were also many men who said they liked wearing pink even though it’s considered a ‘girly’ colour. And one person said that he was “ashamed” of wearing purple although he liked it.
@wistyloony I have a pink sweater that inspired one of my short stories, RoyalE's Pink Pyjamas https://t.co/wwtI8yCtEl pic.twitter.com/gMuSnUyCoe
— Balaji Narasimhan (@Sherlockbalaji) March 20, 2017
@wistyloony Use hair conditioner, drink wine, use lip balm, love shoes, wear purple (I'm a little ashamed of the last thing, actually)
— Incognito Cognition (@YellowAbbeyRoad) March 20, 2017
One man said he was made fun of for sitting with his legs crossed.
@wistyloony sometimes I cross my legs and sit and have been made fun of
— Bakwas Rider (@BakwasRadio) March 20, 2017
Household chores
Many said that they liked cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and babysitting. And at least some of them were made fun of for doing these jobs that are considered jobs for women.
@wistyloony changing diapers, cooking, dropping kid off to school and picking him up, feeding him, crying ...
— Irshad Daftari (@daftari) March 20, 2017
@wistyloony
— Ankur Singh (@TheSinghAnkur) March 20, 2017
1. Cooking (LOVE IT)
2. Cleaning my place
3. Buying groceries
4. Comparison shopping (been ridiculed for this one the most)
@wistyloony it's often called "shopping like women". I try a lot of things before I buy something. I take an hour to buy a pair of shoes.
— Ankur Singh (@TheSinghAnkur) March 20, 2017
@wistyloony carry a girl's bag because her hands were busy and other friends went like 'whoooaa bro whhyyyy??'
— Nirbhaya Pahwa (@_xperimentalist) March 20, 2017
Expressing emotions
Many men said that they tear up when watching films or that they just tend to cry more often and that it wasn’t considered manly. One person said that he found crying to be therapeutic.
.@wistyloony I often cry while watching films. Each time during that brother milap scene of K3G.
— Nishant Kaushik (@nofreecopies) March 20, 2017
@wistyloony I cry quite a lot. Therapeutic, I'd say.
— Vivek Surendran (@ivivek_nambiar) March 20, 2017
@wistyloony At times , I get emotional . for this i've been mocked, even by family members. They say Boys don't cry.
— anurag (@yanurag9395) March 20, 2017
Really ??
@wistyloony was depressed after a break-up.Quit work & sulked for 2 months. After i confessed, Parents said "yeh sab toh ladkiyan karti hai"
— prasad shetty (@paapigudiya) March 20, 2017
Hobbies and fun
There were a good number of men who said that they did not like or take interest in sports, bikes or cars.
@wistyloony oh and I hate bikes. I can ride them, I just think they're stupidly dangerous. Which makes me a pussy, apparently (?)
— Rameez (@Battameez) March 20, 2017
One person said that he liked scented candles, sitting under fairy lights and colouring, but that he had been fun of by other men for the latter.
@wistyloony Lighting scented candles, sitting under fairy lights and colouring.
— Sahil Shah (@SahilBulla) March 20, 2017
Many men said that they liked to shop. One man said that he liked to do “comparison shopping”. When asked to elaborate, he said that it was often called “shopping like women” where he tried many different varieties of a product before buying it.
A few people also said that they liked romcoms (romantic comedies) and ‘chick flicks’.
@wistyloony Watch (and love) rom-coms.
— DeeSee (@BeingDeeSee) March 20, 2017
Appearance and behaviour
One man said that he made sure not to stand in front of the elevator, and held the door open for most people. When Saheli responded about how these actions were gendered, he replied saying “it’s macho to be an a**hole”.
@wistyloony @PWNeha I keep my shoes clean, don't stand in front of elevator doors and hold the door open for people.
— Manav Arya (@quickdraw_46) March 20, 2017
@wistyloony @PWNeha yeah, it's macho to be an asshole. Plus check out these (I like to keep my nails perfect.) pic.twitter.com/bmarrwo8yQ
— Manav Arya (@quickdraw_46) March 20, 2017
A few men pointed out that their lack of facial hair had them at the receiving end. Some also said that they were made fun of for not being muscular or not liking physical altercations and fights.
@wistyloony I am afraid of physical fights. I don't get into fights. No matter if it is for fun, I can't hit someone.
— Swapnil (@thecipherstory) March 20, 2017
@wistyloony off the top of my head: lack of facial hair, being a dancer, actually loving cooking, and I love shopping, so that too.
— Rameez (@Battameez) March 20, 2017
@wistyloony been ridiculed because I can't get into physical altercations to protect anyone, because I'm not muscular.
— Aatreya (@AatreyaBhat) March 20, 2017
Choices
Some men said they preferred mocktails and didn’t smoke. One man said he was asked, “You’re a guy, why do you find smoking offensive?”
@wistyloony sometimes I drink mocktails :'(
— Rahul Mathur (@weemundo) March 20, 2017
@wistyloony I was once told that my handwriting is too good for a guy.
— Neel Gudka (@neelgudka13) March 20, 2017
.@wistyloony Love spas, don't care for sports, totally dig rom-coms and hear "But you're straight!" a lot.
— Gambhir Maamla (@gambhirmaamla) March 20, 2017
One person said that he was always teased because he chose not to take part when his male friends shared “explicit” details about their romantic partners.
@wistyloony @Localheroin when guys meet, discussions happen about women/gfs, including explicit content. I just don't take part in that conv
— Arjun (@arjunlal_) March 20, 2017
@wistyloony @Localheroin if there is one thing that all my male friends unanimously tease me for, its this.
— Arjun (@arjunlal_) March 20, 2017